What to do When You’re Afraid to Speak

sarah.majengo@kengo.co.tz (Sarah Majengo) — Mon, 15 Dec 2025 09:51:28 GMT

Great leadership is often summarized into a list of traits such as communication, decisiveness, emotional intelligence. If we were to conduct a random survey of what people believe matters most in leadership, communication would be at the top of the list. It is the skill that shapes how trust is built, decisions are understood and how conflict is navigated.

Over the weekend, I stumbled upon a podcast on navigating difficult conversations. The discussion explored familiar themes: leading with empathy, managing ego, and active listening. What stood out to me most, however, was the emphasis on planning by being clear on your purpose for the conversation. In a nutshell, effective communication is intentional.

That insight took me back to a moment in my career over a decade ago. I was heading into a performance review convinced I had done everything right. I’d gathered evidence of my strong performance and made a clear case for why I deserved a promotion. I was prepared on paper, but I hadn’t anticipated the impact nonverbal cues, or my own emotions would have on the conversation

From my supervisor’s body language, I sensed immediately that this would not be an easy discussion. There was usually a sense of camaraderie in our working relationship, but that day, the supervisor was impenetrable. That shift caught me off guard. I lost sight of what I had planned to say and, more importantly, why I was there in the first place, to make a case for my promotion. As the conversation unfolded, I began to lead with emotion rather than clarity. Even before I understood the concept of emotional intelligence, I knew I’d lost control of the moment and with it, my message.

In the podcast, Desmond O’Neill, a former Secret Service interrogator, shares his four-step formula for difficult conversations: P.L.A.N a practical framework for engaging in meaningful communication. The key component includes keeping your purpose for the conversation front and center. Do not be swayed by the other person’s verbal and nonverbal cues. The power belongs to the one who does not lose their cool. O’Neill unpacks the keys to influencing others by building trust through openness, honesty and transparency.

As a bonus nugget, Desmond also reminds us that the hallmark of great leadership is the ability to make decisions in the face of uncertainty. With passion, he points out that 100% certainty only exists in hindsight.

That reminder feels particularly timely as we wind down the year. Many of us are carrying decisions we’ve delayed, from conversations we’ve avoided to moves we’ve postponed out of fear of the unknown.

Perhaps now is the time to be bold. As a famous American baseball player said, “we miss 100% of the shots we don’t take.”

Listen to the podcast here: https://youtu.be/xDQyLnNAXr4

Sarah.

Closing the Tabs

bensonmcharo@gmail.com (Benson Mcharo) — Mon, 08 Dec 2025 08:46:28 GMT

A few days ago, Sarah shared with me a piece about a neurologist in Zurich who said the brain does not burn out from stress. It burns out from emotional overthinking. My response to Sarah about this information led to this piece.

I decided to title it ‘Closing the Tabs’ because I know most of us can relate, especially during this time of the year. Most of us are not tired because life is too heavy. We are tired because our minds never stop spinning.

I have lived in that place for a long time. A place where ideas, tasks, memories, worries and unfinished plans float around like open tabs on a browser. Over the years I developed a habit where I leave the tabs on my browser open so that when I come back tomorrow, I can trace where I was and what I was doing. This made me lazy, and I could easily procrastinate on important assignments just because the tab is still open somewhere and ‘I can always get back to it.’ Little did I know that even my mind was doing the same thing most days. Too many tabs open. Too many thoughts left un-actioned. Too many loops running quietly in the background.

Recently I noticed that the things exhausting me were not major problems. They were tiny, incomplete things. Messages I planned to respond to, ideas I saved on Instagram and promised myself I would try. Pins on Pinterest that looked beautiful but never left the screen. Even people I kept meaning to call but kept postponing because something else came up. Those little loops drained me faster than any crisis at work.

So, I started doing something simple. Whenever something comes up, I write it down and I act on it. Even if the action is small. I take the step and record the progress. And something interesting happens. My mind opens up again. The fog clears. I feel lighter. Creative. Present. It is similar to closing ten tabs on a browser and suddenly the laptop breathes again.

I also learned that the body is the quickest way to interrupt the spinning. If I get home after a long day and sit on the couch, doom scrolling while waiting for dinner, my mind keeps running like I am still at work. But if I get home and attend to my poultry or water the garden, something shifts. The physical interruption breaks the loop. My brain finally rests. And on those days, I never reach 10 pm without sleep knocking me out. Also, exercising after a long working day has the same effect.

Our lives today demand so much attention. Notifications, deadlines, ambitions, plans, and the constant pressure to be better. It is easy to think we are tired from the work itself, but most of our exhaustion comes from what we leave unfinished in our heads. The truth that the neurologist shared is this. “We do not collapse because we feel too much. We collapse because we never stop processing.”

As we end this year; which has been a lot, maybe the invitation is simple. Close the tabs. Not just on your phone or laptop, but in your mind. Finish the small things. Act on the ideas you have saved. Make the call you have postponed. Bring your thoughts back into your body. Take one step at a time.

Clarity is physical before it becomes mental. And peace begins the moment you choose to interrupt the loop.

Benson Mcharo - Fanisi Alumni Intake 7 and currently Fanisi Program Communications Coordinator.

Fanisi Program blog

What to do When You’re Afraid to Speak

Closing the Tabs